


When Push Comes to Shove

by pleasanthell



Category: Alphas
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-14
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 06:04:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasanthell/pseuds/pleasanthell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It killed her. Every single look drove a spike through Nina’s heart. It’s so hard to stay when she feels that kind of pain every single day. She knows she went too far and she is more sorry than she’s ever been. </p><p>It’s also so hard to stay, marinating in Rachel’s cold looks when she’s so used to running away. Or pushing her problems away. She swallowed and closed her eyes. </p><p>The events that took place after Nina pushed Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Push Comes to Shove

Nina sat at her desk, looking at her computer. There were some files that she was reading over. About the Alpha colony. She wondered where they were going now. She knew why she was wondering too, but didn’t want to acknowledge it.

 

She ran her tongue over the sharp edges of her teeth and leaned back in her chair. Living with them would be so much easier. She wouldn’t have to deal with the looks that she always got from Rachel. The looks of betrayal and the anguish.

 

It killed her. Every single look drove a spike through Nina’s heart. It’s so hard to stay when she feels that kind of pain every single day. She knows she went too far and she is more sorry than she’s ever been.

 

It’s also so hard to stay, marinating in Rachel’s cold looks when she’s so used to running away. Or pushing her problems away. She swallowed and closed her eyes.

 

Maybe this was good. Maybe hurting the only person she’d ever really cared about was what Nina needed to break her addiction to her own ability.

 

“Or maybe I could just leave,” Nina muttered to herself. She looked around her barren office, sparsely decorated with things that she brought from her home.

 

Nina took a deep breath and turned back to her computer. Dr. Rosen may not care where the Alpha camp is, but she definitely does.

 

A few minutes later Nina looked up and gasped when she saw Rachel standing right outside the door. She seemed to be debating with herself about something. Nina just watched her until Rachel saw her looking.

 

They just stare at each other for a full minute before Rachel asked. “Are you really going to leave?”

 

“What do you mean?” Nina asked.

 

Rachel gestured with her hand to her ear. “My-my abilities are still heightened and I could hear you talking to yourself in here.” She looked back up at Nina, “I also heard you talking to Skylar. About living with them.” She held Nina’s eyes. “Are you leaving?”

 

Nina took a deep breath. “I don’t have any reason to stay.” She shook her head and looked away from Rachel. “I’m too dangerous to use my abilities anymore. I’m of no use to the team. No one really _wants_ me to stay. What I’m doing now can be done by any crappy intern.” She gestured to her computer. “It’s all my fault anyway.” She leaned forward at her desk. She ran a hand through her hair.

 

Rachel looked down and wrung her hands. She looked up at Nina through her eyelashes. “I want you to stay.”

 

Nina blinked and sat up straight. “ _You_? You want me to stay?”

 

Rachel nodded slightly, but it was enough for Nina to see.

 

“Why?” Nina asked, knowing that she shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but doing it anyway. “I hurt you…” It hurt her to say it out loud, especially right to Rachel. “I hurt you the most.” Her voice cracked and she barely got it out.

 

Rachel focused in on Nina’s face. She saw the wrinkles between Nina’s eyes and the slight film of tears. She saw her eyebrows droop with the question. All of these things were slight, but Rachel knew that all of them meant that Nina was still beating herself up about what happened.

 

Rachel pulled back and shook her head. “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to go.”

 

Nina looked her over. For whatever reason, to torture her or to see if she would relapse, Rachel wanted her to stay. So she would. “Okay,” Nina nodded. “I’ll stay.”

 

Rachel nodded and ran a hand through her hair. She turned to walk away when Nina called out to her. “What are you still doing here anyway? It’s almost eleven.”

 

Rachel stepped back into the doorway. She looked down at her fingernails. “I’m still trying to work up the nerve to leave. It’s so loud outside. Especially now. And even at home.” Rachel looked down.

 

Nina licked her lips. “I know that this is probably not something that you’d be open to, but your bedroom is still open. I bet I could find something to soundproof it for you. Your blackout curtains are still up.” Nina tapped her pen on the desk. “Or I could come to your parents’ place and bring the curtains and the soundproofing stuff.”

 

Rachel cracked a smile. This wasn’t the new, changed Nina. This was the Nina that was always there, hiding under the expensive things and the pushing. She hadn’t slept well since her elevation in powers.

 

“It wouldn’t be too much trouble?” Rachel asked, “Just for tonight.”

 

Nina shook her head and turned the computer screen off. “I have to stop by the storage closet. That’s where Dr. Rosen had them put the sound proofing material after they did your office.”

 

Rachel nodded. “Okay. Have you found a car yet?”

 

“Oh no,” Nina stood up. “Crap. I can call Dr. Rosen to take us if you want.”

 

Rachel shook her head. “No. I have the keys to the van.”

 

Nina nodded. “Great.” She picked up her coat and her bag. “Let’s go.”

 

Rachel opened doors as Nina lugged the grey squishy material all the way from the door to the parking garage. It took two trips, but Nina didn’t mention how her feet were killing her when they finally got on the way. She barely cared when the parking garage attendant eyed the van with apprehension. That kind of vehicle wasn’t usually around her building.

 

Rachel stood in the doorway of the apartment for a long moment, taking in the smells. It was so much different from her parents’ place. It smelled nice. Like a bouquet of flowers. It smelled so feminine. Nina stood behind Rachel with an armful of soundproofing material and just waited. Finally she had to interrupt because her arms were killing her. “Um, Rach?”

 

Rachel opened her eyes and turned around. Then she quickly moved out of the way. “I’m sorry.” Nina just smiled at her and struggled into the bedroom that Rachel once lived in.

 

“I haven’t really… been in here since you left,” Nina said, setting the material down and opening the door. “You can go sit on the couch and I’ll clean it up.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Rachel shook her head.

 

Nina smiled softly, “I’m going to. We both know that you won’t be able to sleep until it’s clean.”

 

“I can clean it,” Rachel offered, watching Nina step into the room.

 

Nina shook her head, “You’re a guest. Go relax. There’s a bottle of that wine that you like in the rack.”

 

Rachel watched Nina move around the room, stripping the bed of the linens. When Nina saw that Rachel hadn’t moved yet, she added. “It won’t take long, I promise.”

 

“Thank you so much Nina,” Rachel took a step back. “I’m just going to go call my parents and tell them I’m staying here tonight.”

 

Rachel decided to steer clear of the wine and just sit on the couch. After she called her parents, she could hear Nina moving around in the bedroom. She could hear the spray of the aerosol spray cleaners and the ultra expensive vacuum cleaner that Nina got while Rachel lived with her because it had the best filter available so the little particles that blow out of regular vacuums don’t blow out of that one. Rachel knows. She can see the particles.

 

Then she heard the soft tap every time Nina attached a piece of the sound proofing material to the wall. Finally after thirty minutes, Nina walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. She smiled at Rachel. “It’s not terribly nice to look at, but come see if you can hear anything.”

 

Rachel stood up and walked with Nina to the bedroom. The walls were covered in the material. Nina stepped in behind her and closed the door, which had the material on one side. She watched Rachel to see her reaction. Rachel closed her eyes and listened. The only thing she could hear were the beating of their hearts inside the room and the soft hiss of Nina breathing.

 

“It’s perfect,” Rachel turned around and smiled.

 

Nina smiled back, relieved. “Great. I’ll, um, see what I can do about the color. In case you ever need somewhere to stay.” She waved off the last part and didn’t want to think about the fact that Rachel was just staying one night.

 

Rachel smiled timidly, “Thank you so much Nina.”

 

 

Nina shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.” She crossed her arms. “Do you need anything else? I think everything is where it was when you lived here.”

 

Rachel walked over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers finding some of her old clothes that she must have missed. “I see.” She pulled out one of the shirts.

 

“Do you need something else to sleep in?” Nina asked. She knew that sometimes dust got into drawers and rested on clothes. She also knew that Rachel could see it.

 

Rachel finally let out a full smile. “That would be great.”

 

Nina nodded and opened the door, walking out of the room into her bedroom. Nina returned with a light t-shirt and some pajama pants. She handed them over to Rachel. “Do you need anything else?”

 

“No, Nina, you’ve done more than enough,” Rachel smiled up at her, a real genuine smile. This was the Nina she knew and the one that she sorely missed.

 

Nina smiled back. It was a lot less sure than Rachel’s smile, but she was happy that Rachel was speaking to her. “Goodnight Rachel.”

 

“Goodnight,” Rachel replied and watched Nina walk out, closing the door behind her.

 

Rachel slept well for the first time since her senses heightened. She woke up the next morning and found her room still dark and quiet. She smiled into the dark. She rolled onto her bed and stretched. The room smelled like it used to with a burst of the smell of Nina because of the clothes she was wearing. It was more soothing than anything else she’d ever experienced.

 

Rachel finally sat up and slid out of the bed. It was easy to find her way around because this room was once hers.

 

She opened the door and squinted as the morning light poured in. It was a little deadened by a curtain that had been hung on one end of the hallway where most of the light always came in. Rachel smiled and let her eyes adjust to the dim light in the hallway. She stopped by the bathroom. The light was off in the bathroom and Rachel found an unopen toothbrush where she knew Nina always kept one. Once she was done, she walked back into the hallway and pushed the curtain back.

 

She found Nina curled up on the couch with a cup of tea. Rachel took a long inhale. It was green tea with mint. Nina looked up from her laptop that was on her lap and smiled. “Good morning.”

 

Rachel smiled back. “Hi.” She looked back at the curtains that were hung in front of the hallway. “Thanks for these.”

 

“I remembered how much it used to hurt your eyes to go from your room to the living room too quickly,” Nina shrugged. “I figured it would be worse now so…” She trailed off. Then she licked her lips and regrouped. “How did you sleep?”

 

“I slept great,” Rachel walked over to the couch and sat down on the opposite end from Nina.

 

Nina nodded. “Good.” Her computer dinged and she looked down at it. “Oh nice.”

 

“What are you doing?” Rachel asked curiously.

 

Nina turned her computer toward Rachel. Rachel saw a bag that she had seen Nina carry online. It looked like someone just bought it online. “You’re selling your bags.”

 

“Oh no,” Nina shook her head. “Not bags. Bag. Just the one. I need a car.”

 

“That bag was worth two thousand dollars?” Rachel asked, dumbfounded.

 

Nina clicked around on her computer. “It was worth probably twice that much, but it was used.”

 

Rachel went to the kitchen and poured herself some tea. Then she grabbed a bagel and sat at the table by the window. Rachel missed living here. She missed waking up to a smiling face and not her parents presenting her with another suitor.

 

Rachel looked at the time and then abruptly stood. “Why didn’t you wake me up? It’s almost ten.”

 

“I called Dr. Rosen earlier this morning and we both discussed it,” Nina looked over the back of the couch at Rachel. “You haven’t been sleeping well and you were sound asleep when I opened the door to wake you up. I mean you didn’t even hear me close the door. Dr. Rosen said that he’ll call us if anything big comes up, but he said that you need to rest. We’ll go into work whenever you’re ready.” Nina looked back at her computer.

 

Rachel stood up and walked to the back of the couch leaning back on it. “Are you looking at cars?”

 

“Mhmm,” Nina nodded. “I can’t keep taking the subway.”

 

Rachel scrunched up her nose. “I tried that once. It was disgusting.”

 

“I bet,” Nina chuckled. She looked up at Rachel. “I have a little money saved so I’m going to buy a car. You have told me enough horror stories about what are in used cars that I don’t know if I can drive one.”

 

Rachel moved around the couch and sat down. “I do that to a lot of people. I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” Nina shook her head. “I’m glad I know. It just means that I’ll be buying a new car which is obviously more expensive than a used one.”

 

“I have a car,” Rachel stated. “You can use it whenever you need it. It’s clean. I cleaned it myself.”

 

“Well I’m sure it’s clean, but I’d still have to take the subway to work,” Nina patted Rachel’s arm.

 

“We could ride in together,” Rachel added hopefully. Yes, Nina had hurt her. Nina had violated her. But this Nina, the one in front of her, is the Nina she knew. The Nina she trusted. She wanted to be closer to Nina again.

 

“My apartment is way out of the way,” Nina closed her laptop and shook her head. “I couldn’t ask you to come pick me up every morning.”

 

Rachel took a deep breath. “Can I move back in here?”

 

Nina blinked. “Are you sure?”

 

Rachel nodded. “I know that you were… you were in trouble. You pushed because you were upset, but I think you’ve learned. I think you know better now. I also think that you need someone to prove to you that no matter what you do they’ll still love you.”

 

Rachel’s keen eye could see Nina’s eyes glaze over with tears. Nina tried to shake the tears away. Her voice was hoarse when she said, “You of all people shouldn’t be giving me this chance.”

 

“I know,” Rachel looked over Nina’s face, seeing all the hurt there. “But that’s why I’m doing it. You can push me, but you can’t push me away. You hurt me and you violated me, Nina.” Rachel spoke firmly to the only person in the office she’d never been afraid of offending to the point of no return. Because she knew with Nina there was always a point of return. Nina let Rachel push her so that she could learn to stand up for herself. Nina had helped Rachel is small subtle ways that no one else noticed, but Rachel knew. She always saw the smaller things.

 

The tears in Nina’s eyes were built up and she was having trouble reigning them in. Rachel looked at Nina and continued  “But, I’m still here. I trust you Nina. You messed up and it’ll take me a little while to get over it, but you’re still the Nina I know.”

 

Nina sniffled and wiped her eyes. “Thank you Rachel.” Rachel was right. No one had ever stayed when Nina pushed them away. They all just let her. Dr. Rosen and Rachel were the only ones to stand their ground. It was actually sort of ironic. Little Rachel who could barely stand up to her parents was standing firm in the hurricane named Nina. Words couldn’t describe how thankful Nina was for Rachel.

 

“So are you okay with it?” Rachel asked. “Me moving back in?”

 

Nina nodded, cracking a smile. “Yes. Thank you so much.”

 

Rachel opened up her arms and Nina moved into them. Rachel was a little tense having Nina so close again, but she knew that she was safe.

 

“So, now that we’re going to ride to work together,” Nina pulled away. “We should go get some fabric or paint or something for your room.”

 

Rachel chuckled. “How about we just go to work first and then afterwards we can go get my stuff? Then we’ll see about the colors of my room.”

 

Nina agreed and went to her bedroom to get dressed. Rachel went back to her room and managed to find enough of her old clothes to make an outfit. When she came out of her room, Nina looked stunning as usual even though she was just wearing jeans and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She was holding a light purple scarf and when Rachel walked in she asked, “Have you thought about lilac for your walls? It’s a nice demur color so it won’t hurt your eyes. And it’s feminine like you and I think it would go really great with that furniture.”

 

Rachel chuckled, “We’ll talk about it on the way to work.”

 

Nina looked down at the scarf and folded it in half, putting it around her neck. She pulled the ends through the loop, “What about pink?”

 

When they got to work, Nina offered to take the keys back to Dr. Rosen. Rachel just smiled and made her way to her office. Dr. Rosen smiled when Nina stepped in. “How are you Nina?”

 

“I’m great,” she smiled. “Here are the keys to the van. I also borrowed some of the sound proofing foam.”

 

Dr. Rosen smirked as he sorted through papers. “You and Rachel are getting along?”

 

“We’re working through some problems,” Nina nodded, “But there is actual progress. She’s moving back in with me.”

 

Dr. Rosen looked up at her. “Good.”

 

“Good?” Nina asked, taking a seat on the couch. More than anything she wanted his approval for this.

 

He nodded. “She needs to get away from her parents and be independent while still having someone to look out for her. I know you’ll do that.”

 

“What about me?” Nina asked.

 

“I think we both know why you need this,” Dr. Rosen nodded to her, removing his glasses to look at her.

 

Nina nodded slowly. She did know why she needed this. Unsurprisingly, Rachel did too. Nina looked away. Well, they knew one of the reasons. There was another glaring reason that Nina was forced to confront in the club after she had Hicks carry Rachel out, but it wasn’t something she was ready to tell anyone.

 

“I’m, um, going to keep looking for the colony,” Nina added. “I’ll have Gary see if he can find anything and then I’ll do the rest myself.”

 

Dr. Rosen nodded, approvingly. He watched as Nina walked out the door. She knocked on the door of Gary’s office and opened the door. He was looking at something that no one else could see. “Gary?”

 

“Good morning Nina,” Gary stated. He didn’t look at her though.

 

“Good morning,” Nina smiled. She was glad that Gary was at least trying his hand at pleasantries. “Can you do me a favor? I’m looking for the Alpha colony where Skylar is. Can you check to see if they’re on the radar anywhere?”

 

“Okay,” Gary sat up in his chair and started flicking his hand. “Can we have Chinese food for lunch?”

 

Nina nodded. “Of course. I’ll be back to check on you in a minute.” She tapped the doorway and walked back to her office. She didn’t stop at Rachel’s office like she wanted to. She just wanted to check on Rachel, but she knew that she needed to back off. Rachel never responded well to people who came on too strong.

 

Nina readjusted the lilac scarf around her neck and walked into her office. It was probably going to be another day of boring research.

 

Nina sat behind her desk and started looking through bank records, real estate purchases, and credit lines. It was hard though because she only knew the names of three alphas in the camp. She managed to make it through the entire morning finding out a while lot of nothing.

 

She decided to go check with Gary, but the wiz kid had come up with about as much as she had. “I’m going to go pick up your lunch Gary.” He didn’t hear her though. He was already doing something else to the waves in the air.

 

She started making her way around the office, asking what everyone wanted for lunch from the Chinese food place down the street. Rachel was the last person she went to ask. She gently knocked on the door and waited for Rachel to acknowledge her.

 

“I’m going to get lunch,” Nina leaned on the door frame. “Gary got to pick so I’m going to get Chinese. Do you want something from there or I can do somewhere else?”

 

“Kung pao chicken is fine,” Rachel smiled.

 

“Great,” Nina nodded and started walking away.

 

“Nina,” Rachel called. Nina turned around and walked back into the office. Rachel looked away. “Um, do you think that maybe everyone could have lunch together? Like we did that one time where we all sat at the table in the break room together?”

 

“I can’t speak for everyone, but I promise I will,” Nina smiled back at Rachel’s bashfulness. “And I will definitely ask, although you may want to ask Bill yourself. He’s still not happy with me.”

 

“I’ll ask Bill,” Rachel caught Nina’s eyes. She could tell that Bill not forgiving her was still eating at her so Rachel added. “I’m sure he’ll come around.”

 

Nina exhaled. “Maybe.” She forced a smile and nodded to Rachel. “I’m going to go order lunch and then I’ll ask everyone before I leave.”

 

“Thank you Nina,” Rachel stated. “I’d come with you to pick it up, but I haven’t been into a restaurant yet since my senses have gotten stronger.”

 

“I understand,” Nina grinned. “I’ll take Hicks. He’s just been throwing a ball against the wall for hours.”

 

“That’s what that terrible noise was?” Rachel sighed. She’d been hearing the rhythmic banging against her supposedly sound proofed wall.

 

Nina laughed. “I’ll tell him to stop.”

 

Nina walked to Hicks’ office and knocked on the door. He caught the tennis ball and swiveled toward her. “Hey Nina.”

 

“Rachel can hear that,” Nina gestured to the tennis ball.

 

“I thought the walls were sound proofed,” he frowned.

 

Nina shrugged, “They were before her senses were heightened again.”

 

Hicks looked at the ball in his hand. “Oh.”

 

“Wanna come with me to pick up lunch?” she asked.

 

“God yes,” Hicks stood out of his chair. “I’m going crazy with nothing to do.”

 

After Nina orders the food, she and Hicks walk down the street to go get it.  He decided to strike up a conversation as they walked and asked, “How’s the car search going?”

 

“Oh,” Nina shook her head. “Rachel’s going to move back in with me and we’re going to share her car. I’m okay with the subway if she’s using the car. I just don’t want to have to take the subway to work everyday.”

 

“She’s moving in with you?” Hicks asked, rubbing the back of his head. “After everything that happened?”

 

Nina looked down. She thought about it enough that she doesn’t need people to remind her about what she did. “Um, yeah. She told me that she trusts me. That I need someone to show me that just because I push them away doesn’t mean that they’ll go away.”

 

“Wow,” Hicks put his hands in his pockets. “That’s really… right.” Hicks smirked, “Do you think Rachel’s a pocket sized Dr. Rosen?”

 

Nina chuckled. “No. I just think that she knows me. Maybe better than I do.”

 

“She does,” Hicks nodded. “I don’t know what it is, but she… she looks at you, you know?”

 

Nina frowned. She looked over at him. “What do you mean?”

 

“Like, every time something goes down,” Hicks says, gesturing with his hand, “She looks at you. Or when we’re in a meeting and we get some bad news, she looks at you.”

 

Nina waved him off. “It’s because you always sits next to her and I’m prettier than Bill.”

 

Hicks laughed. “Whatever you say. I’m just telling you what I see.”

 

“I know,” Nina smiled and stopped in front of the restaurant. “Thanks. It’s good to know that I can still talk to you.”

 

“No problem,” he opened the door for her and followed her inside.

 

When Nina and Hicks got back, they put all the food in the break room. “C’mon guys, it’s lunch time,” Nina called.

 

Rachel was the first person out of her office. She smelled them walk in way before Nina called, but she didn’t want to seem too eager.

 

“Is everyone else coming?” Rachel asked, looking around.

 

“Well Hicks is here,” Nina told her. She touched Rachel’s shoulder. “I’ll go get Dr. Rosen and Kat. Did you ask Bill?”

 

“Not yet,” Rachel stated, kicking at the ground.

 

Hicks walked toward Bill’s office, “I’ll tell him.”

 

“Why don’t you get Gary?” Nina ran her thumb over Rachel’s shoulder before dropping her arm to go get their leader and the kid wonder.

 

Rachel looked at Nina, watching her walk away. Then she shook out of it. She tilted her head down and walked over to Gary’s office. “C’mon Gary. Nina got your favorite.”

 

They all managed to get everyone to sit down together for lunch.

 

Kat poked around her white paper box with her chopsticks, “Do you guys do this a lot?”

 

“No,” Rachel answered, with a shy smile, “I thought that since there’s been to much turmoil around us lately that it would be nice to eat together.”

 

“You mean the turmoil in house,” Bill stated and pointedly look at Nina.

 

Nina looked down and didn’t say anything.

 

“Now Bill,” Dr. Rosen stated exasperatedly. He didn’t think that they were just going to be able to have a meal together, but he was determined to use it as a kind of group therapy session.

 

“No Dr. Rosen,” Rachel put her hand up at him. She turned to Bill and pointed at him, “You need to lay off Nina. It’s not like the rest of us haven’t messed up before.”

 

“I-I haven’t messed up,” Gary interjected.

 

“When did I push my team to do things-“ Bill started.

 

Rachel stood out of her seat. She was angry. She felt like she was the only one that could see how much Nina was beating herself up about what she did. She didn’t want to turn it into something deep and irreversible. “Shut up Bill! The rest of us have forgiven her. Why can’t you?”

 

Bill just shook his head and looked down at his food. Nina took a deep breath and stood up, “I’ll just… go.” Nina walked to her office and closed the door.

 

Rachel didn’t know what to do. She’d never been that angry before. She just clenched her fists, “Dr. Rosen.”

 

Dr. Rosen looked up at Bill, “You’re not helping anything by attacking Nina, Bill.”

 

Bill was about to say something when Rachel stood and walked to Nina’s office. She softly knocked on the door and opened it before Nina could answer. She saw Nina standing at the window and looking straight down. She looked so sad.

 

Rachel closed the door with a soft click behind her. “I’m so sorry Nina. This was a terrible idea.”

 

Nina shook her head. “It’s not your fault.” She rested her forehead on the glass.

 

Rachel looked around at the office and saw the standard couch that came with all of their offices in place of the beautiful white one that Nina used to have. She resisted the urge to scan it just to see how clean it was. “C’mere.” Rachel walked over to the couch and sat down.

 

Nina slowly turned around and moved toward Rachel. She sat down a decent distance from Rachel and leaned back.

 

Rachel reached over and tugged on Nina’s shirt until she fell into Rachel’s arms. Nina’s head fell softly onto Rachel’s shoulder, both women facing the opposite wall. Rachel started softly stroking Nina’s hair while her other arm crossed protectively over Nina’s chest.

 

“Remember how some nights, when it would storm, we’d sit on the couch together like this?” Rachel asked, although she wasn’t really looking for an answer. “It would be so loud and I couldn’t sleep and you’d stay up all night with me. I’d just focus on how your fingers felt running through my hair and it would quiet down in my head.”

 

Nina placed a hand on Rachel’s forearm as it held onto her. “Yes.”

 

“Bill’s just thunder,” Rachel stated. “He’s mad now, but it’ll blow over. So right now, just focus on me.”

 

Nina inhaled, letting air fill her lungs before expelling it quickly. “Some times I feel like I should have stayed with the alpha colony.”

 

“I wish you wouldn’t say that,” Rachel replied quietly. She licked her lips. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

 

Nina sat up and looked at Rachel. “I won’t ever leave you unless you want me to, but… don’t you feel unsafe around me?”

 

Rachel shook her head, holding Nina’s eyes. She leaned closer so that there would be no escape from Nina if the older woman decided to push her.

 

Nina swallowed. She knew what this was. It was a complete display of unleveled trust. Rachel didn’t blink. She didn’t look away. That’s when the tears started to fall down Nina’s face. She started to look away, but Rachel reached up and gently rested her fingers on Nina’s cheek, keeping her gaze.

 

“Don’t look away,” Rachel whispered.

 

Eye contact has always been so dangerous for Nina. Everyone around her feared eye contact with her. It was so hard that no one would look at her. She built trust with some people only to break it by her latest tirade. But Rachel… Rachel trusted her.

 

Rachel moved closer to Nina. She was being drawn to Nina, but this time with the clarity of her own willful mind. She tilted her chin up and her lips brushed against Nina’s. Rachel’s senses flew all over the place. The taste of Nina’s lips and the salt of her tears morphed into how soft and warm her lips were. The smell of Nina’s light perfume and the light gasp that escaped from Nina the second their lips touched.

 

Rachel was focusing on the sensual feel of the kiss and getting turned on in a way only she could. Suddenly Nina ripped herself away. Rachel allowed all her senses to even out and heard talking.

 

“What are you doing to her?” Bill demanded, walking into the office.

 

Rachel felt herself being pulled to her feet by her arm.

 

Nina was just staring at the couch, her fingers lightly resting on her lips.

 

“No, stop,” Rachel ripped her arm from Bill. There rest of the team was assembled at the door. “She wasn’t pushing me.”

 

“That’s what you think,” Bill looked over at Nina. He turned to Dr. Rosen, “You can’t let her out.”

 

“Bill!” Rachel yelled. It was so loud that it hurt her own ears. She rubbed her ears. Then she turned to the group. Gary was still sitting at the table eating. Kat brought her food with her to watch the show. Hicks had his arms crossed and was leaning against the wall. Dr. Rosen wanted to make sure that nothing escalated too high.

 

“I kissed her,” Rachel said evenly. “Because I wanted to. Not because she pushed me. And believe me, she’s had so many chances to push me.”

 

Bill opened his mouth, but Dr. Rosen put his hand on Bill’s arm. “I think we need to have a talk,” Dr. Rosen’s eyes flickered from Rachel to Nina. “After lunch.”

 

“Where at?” Kat asked, taking a bite of her food.

 

“Not you,” Dr. Rosen ushered her out. “Nina, Bill, and Rachel.”

 

Everyone walked back into the break room. Nina wouldn’t look directly at Rachel or anyone for that matter. Rachel didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t sure what came over her, but she was positive that Nina hadn’t pushed her. It didn’t help that she was more than uncomfortably turned on from the simple kiss.

 

Lunch was uncomfortably quiet until Gary started telling everyone about a viral video going around. The first one that left was Kat. “This is awkward. I get why you guys don’t do this.”

 

Bill got up and walked to her office. Hicks put his hand on Nina’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”

 

Nina nodded and pushed around her food. She finally stood up and went back into her office. The door was still ajar as she walked the rest of the way to the window.

 

Gary went back to his office, leaving Dr. Rosen and Rachel. Rachel sighed, “I made everything worse didn’t I?”

 

“Are you sure you weren’t pushed?” Dr. Rosen asked.

 

“No,” Rachel as immediately offended. “I already said no. I kiss her on purpose because I wanted to.”

 

“I believe you,” Dr. Rosen nodded. “I don’t think you made everything worse. I think things are more complicated now that there are more feelings involved. But it is something that can be sorted out.”

 

Rachel rested her head in her hands. “And I’m supposed to move in with her this afternoon.”

 

“I noticed at a lot of the soundproofing material is missing,” Dr. Rosen cracked open a fortune cookie. “Do you know what happened to it?”

 

“Nina and I took it,” Rachel told him. “You know that I haven’t been sleeping well lately and my parents’ place is only on the second story. Nina took the material up to her apartment and padded my old bedroom. It’s not perfect, but it’s higher up so there’s less noise.”

 

“That was nice of her,” Dr. Rosen popped some of the fortune cookie into his mouth.

 

Rachel nodded. “She’s always been like that.”

 

“I know,” Dr. Rosen nodded. “I’ve known Nina for a long time.”

 

Rachel licked her lips, “So why doesn’t anyone else think so?”

 

“I’m sure Cameron knows,” Dr. Rosen sat back in his chair. “Gary knows. She’s like his big sister.”  He paused. “I think you want to know why Bill is still angry with her.”

 

“I was the most violated of them all,” Rachel stated quietly. She didn’t want Nina to hear her. “She told my secrets. She pushed me into doing something that means a lot more to me than it does to most people.”

 

“Yet you’ve already forgiven her,” Dr. Rosen noted.

 

“Because… Because…” Rachel looked at the table and ran her fingers through her hair. “Because I love her.” As she said it the gravity of the statement hit her. She blinked a few times.

 

Dr. Rosen nodded like he already knew. Because he did. Dr. Rosen knew that Rachel had fallen for Nina. He also knew that Nina was battling the same emotions. Rachel was just less apt at hiding her feelings.

 

“I think that you should go into my office and I’ll get Bill,” Dr. Rosen said coolly to Rachel. “Then I’ll talk with Nina and Bill alone. Then I think you and Nina should take the rest of the day off. You can get moved in with Nina and you can both have a talk.”

 

“I guess so,” Rachel took a deep breath. She knew she needed to talk with Nina, but she also knew that that would be a wrenching task.

 

Rachel and Bill sat on opposite ends of the couch in Dr. Rosen’s office. Dr. Rosen sat in the chair facing them. “It’s not hard to notice the hostility between the two of you.”

 

“It’s not hostility,” Bill stated. “And it’s not between me and Rachel.”

 

“You haven’t been arguing more than usual?” Dr. Rosen asked.

 

“Of course we have,” Rachel stated fiercely. “Bill won’t stop beating down Nina for something she’s already beating herself up over.”

 

“Just because now she feels bad about what she did, doesn’t meant that it’s all okay now,” Bill told Rachel. Then he turned to Dr. Rosen. “She abandoned us. Not only that, she used her abilities against us.” He whirled toward Rachel, “She used them against you.”

 

“I know she did,” Rachel sighed. “I know. Every time I look at her, I know. I don’t need people to keep reminding me.” Rachel licked her lips, “But I left too. I didn’t use my powers against anyone really. I mean, sometimes I listen to people’s phone conversations…. But this job is taxing. We all know that and Nina’s been doing it the longest.”

 

“It doesn’t mean that she can push people,” Bill stated.

 

Rachel shot out of her chair. She stalked out of the room and marched down the hallway. She opened the door to Nina’s office and stood in the doorway. “I want to go home.”

 

Nina looked startled at first, but nodded and rose out of her seat. She grabbed her scarf and put it back on then followed Rachel out the door.

 

They rode the subway to Rachel’s parents’ house to pick up her car. They didn’t speak the whole way. Rachel barely spoke to her parents as she and Nina threw her essentials into boxes and put them in her car.

 

All of Rachel’s things were all put up before Nina finally spoke. “Are you hungry?”

 

Rachel shook her head. “No. I – I think we should talk.”

 

“Okay,” Nina nodded, averting her eyes from Rachel. She turned around silently and walked to the living room.

 

She sat on the couch and tucked her feet under herself. Rachel sat up straight at the other end of the couch with her hands folded in her lap.

 

“I guess I’ll start,” Rachel offered. Her eyes bounced around everywhere before finally resting on Nina’s delicate hands that were nervously moving from her knees to her thighs before being tucked under her crossed arms.

 

Rachel swallowed, “Since I, um, kissed you.”

 

Nina’s eyes whipped to Rachel and they had a silent stare down. Nina looked away. “Why?”

 

“Because,” Rachel tapped her fingers on her legs. “Because I… I love you.”

 

Nina didn’t know what to say. It brought up things that she’s been fighting off for years. She just looked at Rachel for a moment before shaking her head. “You can’t.”

 

“Why not?” Rachel asked, her face scrunched in confusion.

 

Nina looked down at her hands that were now resting on top of her lap. “It doesn’t make sense. I’m not… You shouldn’t.”

 

“It doesn’t have to make sense,” Rachel leaned forward. She wanted to reach out and touch Nina, but she was scared. She didn’t want to scare Nina away.

 

Nina’s gaze dropped even further. “I hurt you.”

 

“I forgive you,” Rachel said. She was getting exasperated. “I have forgiven you. When are you going to forgive yourself?”

 

“After what I did,” Nina’s eyes met Rachel’s. Rachel felt her heart drop. It wasn’t just hurt in Nina’s eyes. It was anguish and self-loathing. It was the belief that no one should or even could love her.

 

Rachel scooted closer to Nina and let her knee touch Nina’s thigh as she tucked one of her legs under herself. Rachel knew that she had a mountain of lifelong rejection and people who deserted Nina to climb over to get to the Nina that she knew.

 

“I don’t care if you don’t love me back like that,” Rachel shook her head. “I just want you to know that you deserve to be loved the way I love you.” Nina opened her mouth, but Rachel shook her head. “We’re just going to sit here and watch TV. You can lay on me like we used to if you’re comfortable with that.”

 

Nina cracked a smile. She wanted to know when Rachel became so aggressive and self-assured. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t love it. So she handed Rachel the remote and laid back against the smaller woman. She closed her eyes and just felt all the tender touches that Rachel laid on her. She let her fingers glide up and down the smooth skin of Nina’s arms then through her hair.

 

Rachel always loved everything about Nina. Her smell, her skin, her eyes, and her smile. She loved how she had never been afraid to be herself around Nina.

 

They laid like that for two episodes before Nina finally sat up. She turned back to Rachel after seeing a home improvement commercial. “Have you decided on a color for your room?”

 

Rachel was a little put off by Nina’s jumping away from the big talk that Rachel wanted to have. She stuttered out, “I-I haven’t. That’s not really been my focus today.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Nina looked away from Rachel and stood up. “I’m going to go see what we have for dinner.” She walked into the kitchen, leaving Rachel alone on the couch.

 

Rachel sighed and flopped back onto the couch. Rachel was tired of Nina avoiding her feelings. She felt like Nina was pushing her aside like everyone else in her life and she wasn’t going to take it from the woman she loved.

 

Rachel stood up and marched to the kitchen. She saw Nina leaning on the counter in the kitchen. Her hands were pressed against the counter and her head was bowed. Nina didn’t need Rachel’s superior hearing to know that Rachel was walking up behind her.

 

She turned around and leaned back against the counter, but that didn’t stop Rachel from her advancement. Rachel walked right up to Nina, letting her hands slip across Nina’s hips, one up to the middle of her back and the other on her lower back. Rachel pulled Nina to her and their lips crashed together. Rachel wasn’t going to stop. She wasn’t going to be timid anymore. She wasn’t going to be afraid anymore. She was going to get what she wanted.

 

Nina almost stopped Rachel, but as soon as the soft lips touched hers, Nina surrendered control to Rachel. Rachel deepened the kiss and shut off all of her senses except her sense of touch. Her hands moved under Nina’s shirt and pushed up wanting to feel ever inch of Nina’s soft, smooth skin.

 

Nina decided that she needed to get into it. She was scared, but she wanted Rachel to be happy. She wanted her to feel good. She cupped Rachel’s face and kissed Rachel as hard as Rachel kissed her.

 

Nina could feel Rachel’s hands get adventurous. She knew that Rachel had surrendered her body to her sense of touch. Rachel’s hands moved to her stomach and then up her sides, pushing her shirt up and over her head.

 

When Rachel’s lips trailed down her neck, Nina couldn’t help, but moan. Rachel couldn’t hear it, but she felt the vibrations all across Nina’s body.

 

The way Nina’s skin felt against her fingers and her mouth was extremely erotic. Even her tongue running across the pounding pulse in Nina’s neck turned her on.

 

Rachel’s hand rested on top of Nina’s bra and Nina’s eyes squeezed shut. This is something that she’s thought about for far too long. Nina pulled Rachel’s mouth back up to hers and kissed her. When Rachel’s hand slipped under her bra, Nina’s leg bent almost involuntarily. It slipped between Rachel’s legs and Nina felt Rachel’s hands constrict on her sides and her breathing become ragged.

 

Nina dipped down and held Rachel against her. She knew what happened.  She was honestly surprised that Rachel lasted that long. Rachel’s forehead slid to a rest on her shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry,” Rachel murmured against Nina’s shoulder.

 

Nina smiled and kissed the side of Rachel’s head. “Never be sorry. I’m so glad I got to help with that.”

 

Rachel stood up straight and looked at Nina. “But I wanted to…” Rachel rested her hands on Nina’s hips. She dropped her head and looked up at Nina through her eyelashes. “I wanted to do…it… for you.”

 

Nina gently cupped Rachel’s cheek and softly kissed her, “We’ll work on it. It’s okay though. You being here and wanting to do this with me, it’s more than enough.”


End file.
